This article is the fourth of a series published by The Wombat Post addressing the scourge of Family Violence in our community.
Previous articles in the series have addressed the horrifying prevalence of domestic and family violence – it’s impact locally and some of the causes that trigger this abhorrent behaviour.
Everyone can play a part in preventing the horror of family violence. We must call out disrespect and violence against women whenever and wherever we see it. We must adopt new norms in our social interactions not restricted by gender stereotypes.
We should encourage healthy masculinities for men and boys and build safe, fair and equitable workplaces.
If we promote women’s decision-making and independence at work and at home we will normalise gender equality. As a community, we must address and call-out all discrimination and oppression and strengthen positive, equal, respectful relations. Only then can we start to overcome this social scourge. By leaving action to others, we diminish our community and our claim to be a caring, supportive society.
This article addresses some practical ways that everyone can contribute to reducing the problem.
What can I do when I see or hear actions that disrespect or demean others? What can I say in conversations that degrade or deride others?
What can I do?
Don’t fund sexism. Refuse to purchase any magazine, video, subscribe to websites or music that portrays women in a sexually degrading or abusive manner.
Set the example. Don’t forward on sexist jokes, emails or participate in conversations that are derogatory. Try to influence the culture around you.
Educate yourself. Read up on discrimination. The more educated you are, the more you can let others know and share your knowledge.
Mentor and teach. Teach young boys about how to be men in ways that don’t involve degrading or abusing girls or women. Teach young women to expect to be treated with respect.
Call out unacceptable sexist, threatening or degrading language or behaviour. Be an Active Bystander and don’t allow it in your presence.
Use body language. Physically show your disapproval by folding your arms, your stance, or moving away from the conversation.
Distract the aggressor. Change the conversation topic or move the aggressor away from the target.
Defuse the situation. Make a light-hearted comment to try to stop the situation. Leave a pointed silence or give a disapproving look.
Report the incident. Make people in positions of responsibility aware of the situation. Share details of what happened with a manager, supervisor or other workplace leader.
Support others. If others speak out or take action, make sure that you support or reinforce what they have said or done. Two or more people speaking up is much more powerful than one.
Rehearsal, rehearsal, rehearsal. Did you miss a chance? If this happens, don’t worry. Think about what you might have said, so that next time you are better prepared. You could still have a chat with the person in private.
Check in. After the incident, talk to the person who was targeted. Help someone who has been hurt or offended by listening supportively and providing information about support and resources available to them.
What should I say?
We’ve all been in the situation where we hear people say these things, and often it’s not until the situation is over that we think ‘Gee, I wish I had said …’ or ‘Why didn’t I say …’. One approach is to confidently call it out, in public, at work or in private. We can all be Active Bystanders. Here are some things you might say if you hear people say things that demean or threaten others.
“Mate, I wouldn’t want you saying that about my partner.” Or “I’d be offended if someone said that about my daughter”.
Reminding them that they are talking about real people brings it home. Letting them know you wouldn’t like any women you know to be talked about in that way helps them to think about their attitudes and behaviours.
“Ahh, I don’t know, I reckon she should be able to wear what she likes and not get assaulted”.
It reminds people that we always focus on the victim, rather than questioning the motives and actions of the offender. Why did he do that? act like that? think that was OK behaviour?
“I reckon that’s not true. I know a whole heap of men who …” Or “I don’t feel OK hearing something like that”.
People might feel less defensive when you talk about what you “reckon”. Usually there is a myth or stereotype, not a fact, that’s behind a joke or a statement that’s made at the expense of women.
“Let’s not go there … Did you see the game last night?” Or “Moving right along…”
Showing you don’t support what is being said by not engaging and moving the conversation along can be a way to defuse the situation.
What decade are you living in?”
Sometimes using humour helps send the message that you’re not comfortable with what’s being said. This way, you are setting a new standard about what is funny and acceptable – one that isn’t sexist.
Preventing the horror of family violence is a responsibility we all share. It begins by confronting disrespect and violence against women at every turn, in every space. By challenging harmful norms and embracing equality in our interactions, we can help create a future where no one suffers in silence and everyone is treated with the dignity and respect they deserve.
Related articles:
Domestic Violence is Real – And It’s Here
The Role and Responsibility of Police in Responding to Family Violence
This is the fourth and final in a series of articles about Family Violence. For more on the issue of family violence see the Communities of Respect and Equality (CoRE) Alliance at Women’s Health, Grampians.
If you or someone close to you is experiencing family violence, contact Safe Steps 24/7 for support on 1800 015 188 or email safesteps@safesteps.org.au. Support is also available from the National Sexual Assault, Domestic Family Violence Counselling Service at 1800 737 732.
You can contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636 for support. In an emergency, dial 000.
No to Violence runs a Men’s Referral Service (1300 766 491) that provides men who use violence with support to change their behaviour.
