Petrus Spronk
I am depressed. This is very unusual, because I am a person who practices to keep his life firmly positioned in the positive. However, on the evening of the 5th of November I turned on my television and to my despair I was faced with that disgusting, fat orange face of Donald Trump. But what came out of his mouth, in relation to his election win, was so disturbing that I had to hurry outside to violently spew my dinner across the lawn. If this image makes you feel sick, you know how I felt. Another four years???
When I travelled, one of the things which received my attention were funny English signs in non-English speaking countries. This is an example from a clinic in Rome: “Specialist in women and other diseases.”
From that moment on I set out to record them into my dairy and consequently, started a collection.
Then, today, I received an email from a travelling friend who knew of my interest in these playful aspects of our language. It had this very very good one in it: On the Athi River highway: “Take notice, when this sign is under water, this road is impassable.” This one produced a smile – the perfect antidote to Trump’s rubbish.
With the convenience of both email and texting my travelling friends are occasionally sending them onto me. It is so easy. They see one, photograph it, send it on and “Voila!” – a few moments later it is into my inbox. Wonderful isn’t it? And as a result, I have quite a collection. Below I have noted some for your entertainment.
Seen on an automatic hand dryer: “Do not activate with wet hands.”
In a city restaurant:” Open seven days a week, and weekends too.”
From a Moscow weekly: “There will be a Moscow exhibition of the arts by 1,500 painters and sculptors. These were executed over the last two years.”
In a hotel elevator in Paris: “Please leave your values at the front desk”.
In an east African newspaper: “Our new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers”.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: “Would you like to ride on your own ass?”.
A Swiss mountain inn: “Special today: No ice cream.”
At a Hong-Kong dentist: “Teeth extracted by the latest methodists.”
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel, across from a Russian Orhodox monastery: “You are welcome to visit the cemetery, where famous Russian and soviet artists and writers are buried daily, except on Thursday.”
A sign post in Germany’s Black Forest: “It is strictly forbidden in our Black Forest camping site, that people of different sex, for instance men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.”
Airline ticket office in Copenhagen: “We take your bags and send them into all direction”.
On the door of a hotel room in Moscow: “If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.”
In a Budapest zoo: “Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food give it to the guard on duty.”
I sincerely hope that they have put a smile on your face and momentarily made you forget the miserable stuff which keeps on pouring out our TVs radios and computers. And, if perchance, you come across one, and can be bothered, I’d be happy and grateful, to if you would send it to my inbox to enrich my collection.
With a big thank you,
Petrus.
Petrus Spronk is a local author and artist who contributes a monthly column to The Wombat Post.
