As we approach Father’s Day, it is appropriate to pay homage to all our Dads. We thought the most fitting way was to share our favourite Dad Jokes.
Wikipedia defines Dad Jokes as “a joke, typically a pun, often presented as a one-liner or a question and answer, but less often a narrative. Generally inoffensive, dad jokes are stereotypically told with sincere humorous intent or to intentionally provoke a negative reaction to their overly simplistic humour.”
Here are our favourite examples of this “inoffensive, simplistic humour.”
Where do bad rainbows go? To PRISM. It’s a light sentence that gives them time to reflect.
What’s worse than biting into an apple and discovering a worm? Biting into an apple and discovering half a worm.
My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer. I’m not too worried – I think she’s jokindkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.
What’s the difference between death and taxes? Parliament doesn’t meet every year to make death worse.
What does a triangle call a circle? Pointless.
What do you call a doctor who fixes websites? A URL-ologist.
A duck walks into a pharmacy and says, “Give me some lip balm — and put it on my bill.”
What do you call a person with a briefcase in a tree? A branch manager.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.
I tell dad jokes, but I have no kids. I’m a faux pa.
What do you call a place that manufactures products that are just OK? A satisfactory.
What do you call someone who saw an iPhone being stolen? An iWitness.
I saw a sign by the road that said, “END ROAD WORK” and thought, “Wow, people will protest anything these days!”
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
What do you call an M&M that went to college? A smarty.
I can cut a piece of wood in half by just looking at it. I know it’s hard to believe, but I saw it with my own two eyes.
What do you call a baby polar bear? An ice cub.
I told my daughter, “Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.” She said, “What’s that got to do with anything?” I said, “That means it’s pasture bedtime.”
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
What has five toes but isn’t your foot? My foot.
Before my surgery, my anaesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle. It was an ether/oar proposition.
When the cashier scanned my packet of birdseed, I asked her how long it takes for the birds to grow once I plant them.
“Dad, will you pass me my sunglasses?” “I will if you pass me my dad glasses, son.”
Best wishes to all those fathers who maintain a sense of humour.